Whether by nature or by constructive design I am a feminist
in every way that I understand feminism to mean. Whilst I happily debate with
many and often myself about the historical inclusionary, exclusionary and
culturally specific aspects of feminist thinking, I have always stood in
agreement with one traditional argument – there is no separation between the
personal and the political, my personal is public and everything about it is intensely
political.
It all comes down to the intriguing concept of ‘choice’, I
am never one to take semantics lightly particularly concerning this word and
its array of meanings in the English language. The moment I make a choice I am practicing conscious
action based upon my political beliefs and feelings as a woman, in whatever
environment I am in at that time. I am fully aware that such choice making is a privilege given to me
by my social position and geographical location in the world, dependent upon my
access to varied knowledge sources, freedom to act and speak without physical
or legal repression and the influence of the hundreds of women dead, alive and
yet to be born whom I take inspiration from.
Knowledge (or stuff and info), lived experience and
emotional memory drive the choices I make; I would admit the latter dominates
whether consciously or not. It has taken until my third pregnancy to reflect
upon the politics in my personal reproductive choices and behaviour and until
now to construct the confidence needed to defend myself against a status quo of a medicalised appropriation of women's bodies.
At 36, female bodily experience and the immense surge of
power I feel when with foetus has finally led me to be proud, confident and
happy about the choices I am making for the life of my womb and its contents, due to physically separate at birth. My studies have led me recently into the
realms of foetal subjectivities that are at once fascinating and mind blowing.
I have become seduced by the writings of French philosopher Julia Kristeva who
attempts to find ways of explaining what may or may not begin in the womb, from
the moment of conception: or what she so eloquently names the semiotic chora – the poetry of the
pre-lingual. I find it nourishing to think about how my actions now may
impact on the formation of the new human currently growing from my body, I also
love the ideas of social scientist Barbara Duden who writes in her book Disembodying Women of the foetus as an astronaut
who travels the length of the female body, influencing every aspect of it and
societies claims upon its vessel. It is this literature that reminds me every
day that choice is political practice and should never be taken for granted.
I am proud to say that I have denied registering my
pregnancy with my GP and state maternity care; I have researched and hired an
independent midwife who pops by only upon my request and chats without laying a
finger on my body and who trusts me to know my own body; I have chosen no external
interventions such as ultrasound, urine and blood testing; I am returning to
the place and people where I feel emotionally drawn to birth; and most
importantly I am taking full
responsibility for my pregnancy and birth decisions because I choose to do so
including any consequences that come along with that responsibility.
I understand my decisions as no better or worse than any
other pregnant woman, I am doing what I feel is the correct, political thing to
do based upon who I am and how I understand it is to be a woman. Even in the
most life affirming, sensitive, beautiful and painful moments of my life I
cannot deny that politics creates the situation I and my children are in.
